#pitmad today, baby. Writers tweeting desperation and I’m there, trying to rise above the masses, omg. Checking my notification thingie every five seconds, did anybody–read: AGENT–*favorite* me? Not yet but that’s okay, I can do this, 140 characters please somebody, TAKE A CHANCE, C’MON. . .
That’s right, that’s right. Retweet me, don’t delete me. Don’t report me! I’m trying my darndest here. 189 tweets since I last checked–when was that, five minutes ago? I’m tweeting, hang on. . .
Mike and Albert know Mom’s new boyfriend kills kids. They have to stop that fucker; just gotta stay alive long enough to do it. #pitmad #A
I swore, oh shit. Don’t wanna piss off the powers that be.
attribution: Andy Dingley
I’m sorry, I’m sorry!
Let’s try again–
6 y/o Albert gets visions, sees Mom’s new boyfriend kill that girl. Mikie says they gonna stop that fucker even if he is a cop. #pitmad #A
RATS. It’s still there. I have to rethink my Twitter pitch, dammit. Lest I’m cast aside for my literary transgressions. . .
attribution: Pedro Sánchez
*shudder*
How’s this? “Selfish, miserable prick falls for sweet, naïve male hooker Cherry. Damn kid, so endearing so why is he hell-bent on killing himself? #pitmad #A“
OY. Danger, Will Robinson. Nobody’s biting. So why do I feel so vulnerable? Or maybe that’s the reason, huh? They’re lurking, right out of reach. . .
attribution: Infrogmation of New Orleans
Young male hooker Cherry’s sweet but suicidal. Shit, Dave–how can you help that messed up kid when you can’t even help yourself? #pitmad #A
I need a road map, something to guide me during this insane #pitmad business. What’s the Twitter count now? 209 and I last checked what, two minutes ago??????? I’m tanking here. . .
attribution: DavidUnderwater
Wait, I feel a burst of inspiration. . .
Mom’s new boyfriend is a cop w/ a secret. She’s buried in the woods behind the Super-K. Two brothers try to stop a killer. . . #pitmad #A
How do you stop a messed-up gay prostitute who wants to be with his dead mother? How do you stop yourself from loving him? #pitmad #A
Why should a selfish prick try to save a sweet, messed-up, suicidal hooker? Because Cherry loves you, Dave. You’re both screwed. #pitmad #A
Sweet hooker Cherry’s hell-bent on suicide; selfish prick Dave’s trying to stop him. Hell, Dave–you’re more effed up than he is. #pitmad #A
Mom’s new boyfriend is a cop w/ a secret. She’s buried in the woods behind the Super-K. Two young brothers try to stop a killer. #pitmad #A
He’s a cop w/ a secret: she’s buried in the woods behind the Super-K. No way will he let two prick kids fuck up a good thing. #pitmad #A
6-year-old boy gets visions–like Mom’s new cop boyfriend killing that little girl. It was supposed to be a secret. . . #pitmad #A
229 and counting. . .AAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
299 and I can’t seem to stop. . .
kkellie: write me 
#PitMad freaks me out every time I know it’s happening (and I’ve yet to have something currently available to try and pitch). 140 characters to pitch a book sounds specifically designed to drive writers, well, mad. We’ve got enough on our plates as it is, without such bone-gnawing, stomach wrenching stress….
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You’re right, it was and is crazy, Jen. Thank God I found #fakepitmad. Put everything in perspective. 🙂
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LOL! I love love love this post! I hate #Pitmad. So why the fuck am I participating? ❤
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Because, Mrs Fringe. You is a crazy person.
Join da club, honey.
xoxo kk
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At least I’m in good company.
❤
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Indeed you are, my friend. Indeed, you are.
😉
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Whoaaaaa! Ok first! You’re on Twitter?!
Second. Calm. The. Hell. Down!
Choose your best three, five max, and use those. If you use a million you’ll never discover your strongest one, but perhaps only one that worked once on that one agent.
You can do this. Don’t panic. Pitmad and Pitchmadness comes like how many times a year? You’ll be fine, trust me! I think this one for Cherry is awesome:
How do you stop a messed-up gay prostitute who wants to be with his dead mother? How do you stop yourself from loving him?
But don’t forget Cherry is under a time limit, he’s not just suicidal, he knows exactly when he’s gonna do it. That’s tension right there! How comes that “race against time” element ain’t in your pitch. That’s like a missing stake, no?
And this one for Effin’ Albert:
Mike and Albert know Mom’s new boyfriend kills kids. They have to stop that fucker; just gotta stay alive long enough to do it.
(Done this thing twice and got three requests but NEVER a full. It’s a dystopian novel. So…yeah, no. 😦 )
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Ha!!!! Shay Dee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I KNEW it was you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You little rascal. I was frantic, trying everything, screwing up by the numbers quite royally. Yeah, I forgot about the damn time limit, to wit: sweet little Cherry has LESS THAN ONE YEAR TO LIVE!!! Oh, man. EEK.
How are you??? And btw, S. E. Dee is A-OK.
xoxo kk
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Thanks for the thumbs up on the name change!
You have to update this! I wanna know what happened. After seeing this, I jumped in and joined the last half an hour of Pitmad. I’ve never done that before. Pitmad in the UK starts at 12pm and ends at 12am and as I don’t work, I can start early and get out early.
So man, was I shocked at all the tweets at like 7pm EST! I’d tweet then look away and see 129 updates. I still tweeted but kept expectations low. I even put DYS for dystopian as before I think agents/pubs might not have got that from the tweet alone. This may have lowered my chances of being faved, but at least if I was faved by someone, they’d know what they were getting into!
I wanted to find you on twitter 😦 Where art thou, Kkellie?…..Don’t tell me you’re kkellie on twitter. I’m gonna feel so dumb.
Other than I’m good though, freaking out on the other end about other things, but regardless, freaking with you either way 😀
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Don’t freak out, SE! 🙂
Update is, Big ol’ goose egg. That’s okay, I gave it a shot. Did you get any bites?
I rarely tweet because my minute-to-minute existence is rather bland. But when I do, like for #pitmad, I’m @kinderkaren. kkellie’s my blog name thing. At AW, I go by kkbe.
So now all your questions have been answered and you can be nice and relaxed for the remainder of the day.
xoxo kk, aka kkellie, aka etc., etc. 😀
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I got a big ZERO (can’t complain). I’ll never do pitmad in the last half an hour again!
And don’t worry. I’m not an avid tweeter myself, what matters is that I got you down for the next pitch frenzy 😀
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Ha!!!! I shall be there, S.E. Unless I ain’t.
xoxo kk
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