After taking some time to find my footing, I can officially declare myself back at it, ‘it’ being querying. You may recall I parted company with my agent back in early February of this year, a decision that, while amicable, rocked me just a little bit.
Actually, I realize now that it rocked me a hell of a lot more than ‘just a little bit.’ Case in point: during the entire month of February, I wallowed in self-pity. March found me bitching and moaning, floundering and fucking around.
But last month, some wonderful writing friends from AW invited me join their cabin for Camp NaNo, an offer which proved fortuitous. In fact, April’s Camp Nano was exactly what I needed. I’d set a goal of 25K words for SOULLESS; nothing major, just enough to whet my whistle, get myself back in the swing of writing. I reached my goal–albeit, by the skin of my teeth–but I did it, and doing that for myself, setting that goal and actually getting there, put me exactly where I needed to be. Thing is, I knew I needed to write, prove to myself that I still had that spark; that I could still reach down in there and pluck something decent from the vault. Heck, prove to myself the damn vault was still there.
It was. Which meant kk the writer was still there.
So now, after an almost four-month hiatus, I’ve finally started querying again. I’m working CHERRY first, taking it slow. I’ve sent out maybe 10 queries so far to agents; one more to small indie publisher who’s accepting queries this month only. As of today, I’ve received one rejection and one request for pages. Not bad, and this time, I’m being really judicious relative to whom I send my queries to. The hard truth is, finding an agent for CHERRY is, was, and always will be, a challenge. CHERRY isn’t for everybody. Nor is ALBERT, TWINK, SOULLESS, or anything else I write down the pike.
But here’s the thing: I still believe my stuff has merit. There’s an audience for the kind of books I write. And while it may take a while to find another agent who believes in me and my stuff, I have to believe that person is out there. My job now is to find that person. I’m not giving up because writing is what I love to do, need to do, feel compelled to do. And while part of getting published means getting your teeth kicked in every once in a while, learning from that, taking something of value from that, and doing something about it is how you ultimately get it done.
Lesson learned, dammit: if you don’t fall down every once in a while, you probably ain’t doing it right. And if you don’t get up after you fall, that’s exactly where you’ll stay: flat on your ass, bleeding and crying as you watch the world go by. I don’t want to be that person, sitting on my butt sobbing as I watch my hopes and dreams scatter, like pages across the parking lot.
So, I’ve hauled myself up and dusted myself off, gathered my notes, recharged my batteries, and I’m now prepared to officially declare myself–if not rarin’ to go–then, at least, standing. With pen in hand. At least for now.
And now, if you don’t mind, I got some kick-ass querying to do.