Persistence

flower in concreteToday’s horoscope:

You may temporarily lose track of the joy, the passion, the reason … but don’t lose track of your persistence.

Confession time: That’s not Gemini’s horoscope for today. I’m a Gemini on the cusp with Cancer, but in matters of proximity–as well as content–I deem it close enough.

There are always reasons not to do something. Writing is no different. I could offer a myriad of reasons why I’ve floundered with my writing these last few weeks, but the truth is, they’d all be excuses. And while the beginning of this month has been tumultuous, to say the least (my agent and I parted company on February 1), and this last week has been fraught with anxiety (my better half went under the knife two days ago), the truth is, I am uninspired.

This is not to say  I’ve abandoned my dream of being published, because I haven’t. In fact, earlier this month I made a (tentative) decision to set CHERRY aside for a little while, let it percolate and instead, work on my EFFIN’ ALBERT query. Bottom line: I want an agent. If ALBERT is the way to find one, so be it.

So, I’ve been working on my ALBERT query; albeit, in fits and starts. The problem is. . .

Actually, I don’t know what the problem is. EFFIN’ ALBERT is solid and ready to go. The query, not so much. A little backstory on that: after working the death out of the query over at Absolute Write, I’d settled on one version, which I’d then sent out to 30 or so agents. The result was exactly one bite: a exclusive full request, which resulted in a disappointingly brief rejection. Since then, I’ve spent countless hours trying to revamp the query, to no avail.

This month, after making my decision to focus on ALBERT,  I doubled my efforts, but  I can’t seem to shake the suspicion that the query, as is, is intrinsically wrong; that a complete overhaul is not only prudent, but necessary. And yet, try as I might,  my efforts aren’t producing anything substantively different. I’m stuck. What I need is inspiration, some spark of creativity to change things up, but I can’t seem to come up with anything even remotely amazing, reason being. . .

Reason being, I don’t know. All I know is that here I stand–mid-February 2016 now–and I am mired in the muck of . . . not self-doubt, although self-doubt is undoubtedly part of it. Honestly, what I’m experiencing feels suspiciously like a lack of passion for writing, for finding an agent, for trying to get my work published, all of which is disconcerting, to say the least.

Which brings me back to today’s horoscope. Whether or not it officially belongs to me, today I’m declaring it mine because I need to do that: I need to hear it and believe it and heed its message, which is that our way might not be clear right now, but this is a temporary situation only. That little flower is a testament to the power of persistence.

Miracles happen all the time.

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9 thoughts on “Persistence

  1. Persistence is important! And….at the same time…..sometimes we just don’t feel like it. I think both are normal? Trying to work is good, whether it’s on ALBERT’s query or something else entirely, until you get your sparked up mojo back. And I’ve always been a fan of taking the horoscope that best applied to you. My sign is Cancer (not sure if I have any other cusp details or whatnot) but I tend to like the Leo horoscopes ^^

    Wishing you (and your better half!) well. Take care of yourselves, take some time to heal. Persist.

    • I think both are normal, too. And maybe I’m putting pressure on myself to get back on that saddle, so as not to be a slacker…

      🙂

      You’re right, Jen. When things happen–be it losing an agent or having an operation–we need to afford ourselves time to heal, to get right again. Rushing the process is counter-productive to the cause.

      So you’re a Cancer, huh? I hope you don’t mind that I pluck from your horoscope. You are welcome to Gemini’s any time.

      ❤ kk

  2. Ah, crap, I feel your pain. Been there. What worked for me (not saying it will for you though) is to just leave it all alone for awhile and throw myself into my other passion – gardening. I put my manuscripts, my diagrams and photos, and all my other writing paraphernalia into the bottom of a deep drawer and didn’t look at it for a couple of months. I was sad, even heartbroken, and couldn’t stand being the failure I knew I was. I guess my ‘muse’ got jealous. How dare I spend my energy and passions elsewhere. After a couple of months I got antsy and restless, and best of all, determined to throw myself back into my writing again. I came at it fresh and with renewed passion, got it out there again – and sold it. If you have another passion, maybe let it soothe you for awhile. Good luck.

    • Linnea, I’m going to think about that.

      Right now, two feelings: fear and excitement. What if I pursue other endeavors, become too comfortable NOT writing and/or querying? Nature abhors a vacuum, and if my life is filled with other things…

      But the thought of doing what you suggest, giving myself PERMISSION to set it all aside for a while, is oddly empowering. And it would take the pressure off, which I admit is there because I’m putting it there. And maybe absence really would make the heart grow fonder, maybe I really would get antsy, get the ol’ mojo back, find myself re-invigorated…

      Unless I don’t. Eek. Regardless, thank you for sharing your experience, Linnea. You’ve definitiely got me thinking now.

      xoxo kk

  3. You’ve had some hard knocks this month, to say the least. Take some time if you need it, why not? The wannabe police are not going to knock on your door, and if they chastise you through the screen, you can log off. Sometimes you need to step back and reshift your focus for a bit–that’s ok. I’m not a fan of forcing yourself nomatterwhat. In my opinion, often what is produced ends up reading like it was forced, instead of flowing. I’ve taken long (long!) breaks, but I’ve been writing for longer. All those times I said, “I’ll never be able to write like that again.” hasn’t happened. ❤

    • I hear you, mrs fringe. What you’re saying makes all kinds of sense, but…

      Actually, screw the caveat. Your last line resonates big time, because that thought has been roiling around for a month now, and it scares the shit out of me. I’m afraid that if I don’t write, don’t query, don’t do something I’m going to lose it all. Or maybe it’s gone already…

      Which is just fear talking, and self-doubt. I was rocked, no doubt about that one, and I’ve been preoccupied, and neither of those things is conducive to writing and/or creativity–speaking for myself now. And if I choose to set things aside for a bit as you and Linnea and Jen suggest, that doesn’t make me a slacker. It would be a conscious decision on my part, purposeful and with a goal in mind.

      Of course, knowing myself, I don’t know if I would actually DO that. So like I said, I shall think about it, let it percolate a little bit. Give myself a few days, at least, to be officially ‘off the hook’ as they say, and see if extending that is something I want to do, or can’t abide.

      As always, thank you for sharing your insight and wisdom, mrs fringe. Greatly appreciated, for sure.

      ❤ kk

  4. I’m so sorry things did not work out with yoyr agent, but maybe thus is for the best. You need an agent who believes in your work as much as you do. Or else you need to represent yourself. This is just a speedbump. Good luck.

    • Maybe it is for the best, I have to believe it is. And what you say about needing an agent who believes in your work is true. And he did, but. . .

      *sigh*

      Your speedbump analogy is apropos, because that’s what I think I need to do: slow down a minute, allow myself time to process and acclimate, recharge the ol’ batteries.

      Thank you, luciesmoker.

      xoxo kk

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