Don’t do it.

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There are some things a writer should not do. Talking from experience now–limited though it may be–and not referring to actual writing, per se. . .

Right now, my manuscript–replete with revisions based on comments/suggestions made by my agent–is in the hands of said agent. I’m waiting for his response, which may be forthcoming within the week.

But I’m not just waiting, and that is the problem. I’m fretting. Second-guessing. Wondering if I–

I shall not finish that thought, not here. I refuse to give credence to such a thought on this most public of forums. Suffice to say, I am flirting with Doubt right now. No, I’m stepping out with Mr. Doubt, dipping and swaying and standing toe-to-toe, gazing into those black sockets of despair; a willing participant in His Unholiness’ macabre dance of doom and gloom and all that unhappy stuff.

Why, though?

All things considered, I have zip to complain about. I’m in a really good place right now. Five novels in four years; two of which are viable or damn close to it; one of which got me an agent. That particular novel has been worked and reworked and, in doing so, I’ve definitely refined my craft. I’ve been lucky enough to have had great betas, great support, and I now have a great agent from a great agency who read and loved my book.

Loved. Hopefully, not past tense and therein lies the rub, you see.

And there she goes again.

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18 thoughts on “Don’t do it.

    • Pot calling kettle?

      *sigh*

      I do believe if you are the queen of angst, I am the overlord. Or your minion, not sure which. I just don’t know my place right now in the scheme of things, mrs fringe. And all those feelings I used to have as a kid–I shall spare you the details–but they came flooding back and I’m awash–

      Tomorrow is another day, probably a much better one, and all of this shall be for naught. Today, I just have to get from here to someplace else. Thanks for the bridge, mrs fringe.

      xoxo kk

      • I do like the idea of having a minion. 😉 But all things considered, I’d rather have you recognizing your talent and hard work, how they are moving you forward. ❤

        • To what end?

          Stupid question and now I’m just getting maudlin, nearly at saturation already, which means I have to knock this off, do something constructive. Let’s see, I’ve already written a blog post. . .

          🙂

          Thank you, mrs. fringe. I’ll stop being a hangdog now. ❤

          • Hopefully by now you’ve had your fill of coffee and maybe some fresh air, to give you a fresh perspective. Accept it as a bad morning, you’ll feel better again. ❤

            • I know. And dang it, I got waylaid before I could hop over to your little blog, which always inspires, and never disappoints.

              Doing that right now, I promise.

              xoxo kk

    • As I said, therein. . .

      Out of my hands atm. So, I am getting out the old Taurus and going on a little ride. Clear my head, as they say and meanwhile, I just tweeted a pretty little beach, leeward side of the island of Oahu, where my mom and dad used to live, and my brother was born. Good stuff.

      Thank you, Jen. You are, indeed, a sweetie pie.

      xoxo kk

      • Oh, I’m not just being sweet (hard as that might be to believe 😉 ). All accounts seem to say, agents do not take books they just kinda like. Agents do not take books that they think are “okay”. No, Mr. Agent must lurve Mr (Ms?) book, or you wouldn’t yet have had the opportunity to have these thoughts.

        You’re right, it is out of your hands. And you should drive around and gain some inspiration and get some drive thru or stop at a farmer’s market, all those nice head clearing and relaxing kinda deals. Enjoy yourself! ❤

        • Well, I went. Not to a drive thru or market. I drove to the river and parked, and watched the boats and seagulls, and little kids and old men hanging over the rail with their poles and buckets and baseball hats.

          Still working on that attitude adjustment, trying to assimilate what you and mrs fringe are saying, and what I intellectually suspect holds more than a modicum of truth.

          Maybe rubbing my kitty cat’s belly will bring me the peace I seek today.

          Again, thank you so much for stopping by and weighing in, Jen.

          ❤ right back at you.
          -kk

          • kitty belly and dog belly are both known to have restorative properties!

            When I was little, my grandfather would take me down to the Belmar marina when the boats were coming back in, to watch them unload their fishing hauls. There would also be people fishing off the docks there (and we went fishing there ourselves a number of times). That’s another source of restoration and serenity!

  1. WORST CASE SCENARIO: He reads your revisions and doesn’t like them. No – worse! He hates them with the passion of a thousand fiery swords! So, what to do? Redact his offer to represent? Or have a call to explain to help steer things in the direction he was going for? Or cook a flambe and name it after you?

    Well, that’s what I do when I tend to fret over something; no, not the flambe.

    Picture the worst, then then parse that into what I can do something about, and what is most likely. (Note: It’s almost never worst case.) Hang in there!

    • Today is a new day and your post has me smiling, Courtney. Worst case–The Hating Of The Revisions–coupled with a redaction of that offer to rep me, just about nailed it. Add to that, The Utter Embarrassment Of Having To Tell Everybody That My Dream Agent Said He Made A Huge Mistake Signing Me And Wants Out Of Our Contract. . .

      It’s all so drama-soaked, ridiculously sopping wet but yesterday, it weighed heavily on my mind. Today, that weight has been lifted. New day, new attitude and your post is a good poster child for that.

      Thank you again, Courtney. And good luck with your writing, too!

      xo kk

    • I know. I bopped over to your website, I hope you don’t mind.

      First of all, you are not at all complainypants. Second of all, ((((hugs)))) because I have been where you are. Except without the stellar education and naval stint. And I don’t use words like ‘churlish’ because I never have the presence of mind to think of words like ‘churlish’, dammit. And I have only written six novels, not seven.

      Making light, because I was hoping to help you feel even a smidgeon better after reading your post from today, to wit:

      No, I won’t do that. But I do know the feeling you describe. I have been there many times. And when I was at my lowest (which occurred numerous times, now that I think about it) it was this blog that sometimes got me through. The people here.

      Maybe you do have to take a break from the writing community for a while. I suspect it won’t last. Probably a good thing. The writing community can be damn fine sometimes, a great help, a blessing. But you know what you need, no need to explain. Do what’s best for you.

      Just remember, it only takes one. I sent out over 150 queries for novel 5 before getting an agent. Long haul, for sure. And tears, lamenting, cursing, all that good stuff. But folks told me expressly not to give up, my stuff was worthy of that protracted effort.

      Saying that to you, Nora. ❤ And by the way, heads up: Doubt never pays rent and leaves its dirty underwear on the floor, sooo…

      Thank you for stopping by and good, good luck to you, Nora B.

      ❤ kk

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