How to Wait Inefficiently*

Attribution: Umberto Fistarol, WkiMedia Commons

Attribution: Umberto Fistarol, WkiMedia Commons

*With apologies to the talented Laura Lee Anderson

( ).

I am waiting. Actually, no I’m not. I’m procrastinating, in that I have things to do–specific, writerly things–which have diddly to do with this blog post. I have a time frame within which to do these writerly things: specifically, 14 days. I have an actual guide, provided to me by a certain (naughty) agent (cleft-chinned, I do believe; it’s all quite debonair), from which I may refer, prior to doing these important, writerly things.

Waiting, for me, is so yesterday. Which is not to say I won’t find myself–with any luck, in the foreseeable future–waiting once again. I am beyond the query waiting thingie, which is very nice, indeed. But the submission waiting thingie may be here before I know it, and the unasked question looms: What shall kk do whilst CHERRY is on submission? Assuming the revisions she’s allegedly making, even as we speak, are complete, and pass muster in accordance to her debonair, cleft-chinned, naughty, and hip–I forgot to say hip–agent’s wise and savvy suggestions.

There’s a question lurking somewhere in the preceding paragraph. I have this on great authority (kk herself, who, even as we speak, is looking out the window and wondering who will buy her shiny little novel, once the proverbial ink has dried.)

And therein lies the rub: because kk is wasting precious time looking out her window and daydreaming, and writing blog posts few, if any, shall notice (let alone read), and meanwhile, kk’s little novel languishes somewhere inside her laptop; close, but not yet that proverbial cigar.

This is not to say kk has done nothing. She has! She’s dutifully gone through her manuscript and made significant changes, both large and small. She has cut, and added to, reworded, rearranged, rewrote, retweaked and otherwise revised her little novel, and she is now “in the process” of rereading said novel in its entirety, whilst simultaneously tweaking and otherwise fucking with perfection, as she is want to do.

I have this on the greatest authority.

And so, kk is not done. Once she gets through this reread, she plans to actually print it out and read it again, searching for any error, no matterย how small; orย anything that reads oddly, or–god forbid–might benefit from “just a little rewrite,” which she will immediately attend to. Doing so will, of course, require that kk reread entire pages, passages, chapters or, God forbid, the WHOLE EFFING THING.

And so, the process becomes its own perpetual monster and meanwhile, somewhere in Kentucky, USA, a hip, cleft-chinned agent (debonair in shades and that naughty disposition), stares at his inbox, waiting for a certain client to send him something, anything. . .


16 thoughts on “How to Wait Inefficiently*

  1. Hmm, I seem to remember a conversation with a certain naughty writer about putting it to the side for a couple of days to be able to look and read with closer to fresh eyes. My imagination running amok again, I’m sure. ๐Ÿ˜‰ โค


  2. Well I think…..when the shiny meticulously tweaked and tucked novel is ON SUBMISSION….is that when you write a new one? ๐Ÿ˜‰

    (does said agent also like Effin’ Albert? Has said screwy headed little kid been discussed yet? Or is that a poor form question for me to ask? It’s okay for you to ignore my rudeness, I’m used to it ;p )


    • In answer to your first question, Who can say, Jen?

      Seriously, I’m asking. ๐Ÿ™‚

      As for your second question–which, by the way, is the polar opposite of bad form and/or rudeness–said agent knows of its existence. I am, of course, hopeful, but Albert and Mike will have to wait a little longer for their time to shine.

      Don’t we all?

      xoxo kk


      • I figured he knew but didn’t know how much he knew, y’know? ๐Ÿ˜‰

        And really, I can’t say. I keep saying I’m going to work on this crazy new book (ANY of my crazy new books) but have not yet begun booking, really. I should. I feel like it’s a solid idea, etc. and if I fuck around for too long I’ll paralyze myself out of writing it. Maybe it’ll be my July project. Or maybe I’ll get lucky and start it before then, but finish it in July.


        • Or maybe one day soon, you’ll be sitting in front of your monitor with a nice cuppa tea, and find yourself wanting to write that scene you’ve been thinking about, and all of a sudden, those creative juices you thought were dried up will begin to flow, and before you know it, four hours have gone by and you’re looking at two damn fine chapters, or three, and you don’t want to get up, you want to immerse yourself in that feeling, the one that washes over you and cleanses your soul when you are writing in the zone. . .

          Maybe fewer parameters, Jen. Take a seat, see what happens.

          xoxo kk


  3. Haha! I LOVE it!
    As I like to say, “Do as I say, not as I do…” ๐Ÿ˜‰
    That post would look something like, “Make sure you watch the entire third season of Leverage before even typing one more word!”


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