I didn’t want to.
I can’t blame anybody else. I basically did it to myself by posting that query last night. But I went ahead and posted the thing anyway on AbsoluteWrite, then shut off my computer so I wouldn’t be tempted to check for responses.
Every. Five. Seconds.
My resolve didn’t last too long. I was compelled to look, that’s what I told myself: kk, you poor bastard, you have no spine. You simply can not help yourself–or words to that effect, which are beside the point.
The point is, I looked. And what I saw confirmed what I was secretly dreading.
Before I continue, a word about AbsoluteWrite and the Query Letter Hell forum. You take a chance when you post a query in AW’s QLH forum. Post and the squirrels are going to respond. And if you want them to help you, keep helping you, you’re going to have to respond in kind, and not only that. You’re going to have to take some sort of action; aka, do the work.
Which isn’t bad when you’re just starting out, drafting your initial query, figuring your approach, getting the nuts and bolts down. You do your best, expecting to screw up some, and you do, but that’s okay because you get feedback, sometimes great feedback, so you go back in there, implementing suggestions, and so on, and so on. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
But when you’ve been at the same query for months, when you look at post numbers for your query thread and realize they’re in the triple digits now, when you check your email inbox and see yet another rejection, you start wondering. . .
That’s where I found myself last night. I sat there staring at my EFFIN’ ALBERT query thread. Somebody had read my latest attempt and responded.
I knew it wasn’t going to be pretty. I didn’t want to look, didn’t want to SEE the thing that’s been fluttering around in my gut for the last three months; that ugly, irritating niggle that won’t go away, like an itch I can’t quite scratch; a painful mosquito bite on the back of my sweaty knee. . .
I didn’t want to listen to that incessant whispering, my constant companion since I started that EFFIN’ ALBERT query thread back in February: Something’s wrong, kk. You keep fucking with your query, but your query might not be the problem–